Stupid Drabbles
by pickle ututtingne
Summary: All my dumb crackfic ideas for KnB put into one. So far, we have Izumi's stupid puns, Akashi breaking down and Kagami trying to stop Aomine from stealing boats.
1. Izuki, Every God Damn Time

**Right, I wrote another KnB story, still don't own the show though. Not even Izuki. The puns? Some are mine, some I found on this website ages ago of which I just remembered. **

**Also, I didn't look anything up, so the names may be a bit… Yeah**.

A Day in the Life of a Pun Master

**Mitobe, the Silent Type**

"I'm soooo glad I know sign language – it's pretty handy, don't ya think?" Hah! I am _hilarious. _I bet everyone else thinks I am, too. It's just they probably stifle their laughter, unlike I do. However, contrary to the rest of the world, this silent stone here doesn't even smile. Nope. Nothing. So, what did I do?

I broke into Mitobe's house. It was a perfectly plausible idea, I told the officer. But he didn't believe my reasoning behind this 'violent crime'.

"Just because you donut believe me doesn't mean it's not true!" He didn't get it. I hope you do, though. Donut sounds like do not, and policemen like donuts? Yeah, as I was saying, I am hilarious.

Still not sure why Mitobe called the police.

**Hah, Hyuuga's Totally Tsundere**

"Hey. Hey, Hyuuga. Over here," We are in the middle of the test, I have to be sneaky. I can see the teacher looking over… Come on, Hyuuga! He's writing with a blunt pencil… I have the perfect one for this. Oh, Hyuuga, you'll love this one, I just know it!

"Don't you think writing with that blunt pencil is a little _pointless_?" Bad move, bad move. He's seething right now, looks like he is about to rip my head off. Thank you, God, for what little time you have given me on this Earth. I hope I go to Heaven, because face it, I deserve to.

Hyuuga's stood up. He's cracking his knuckles, walking towards me. Aaaaaand he swings a fist. Misses me, ha, loser. No wait, he's looking over. Teacher, stop drinking and look over here!

Finally the teacher notices.

"You two! Hyuuga, Izuki, go to the Headmaster's office. I will not allow fighting in my classroom!" So now I'm in the Headmaster's office. Well, more like outside of it. Next to a clearly very angry Hyuuga. _Shit._

**Why Do I Even Try With Him?**

"Good morning, Izuki," Where'd that voice come from? I look side to side, until my eyes finally fall into the blue haired boy just in front of me. It's not as scary as the first time he did it, but still enough to make me jump.

Kuroko looks at me, clearly expecting me to say something. Ah, perfect chance! I have a brand new joke for him. Let's hope he likes it… or at least understands it.

"Kuroko, I used to have a fear of hurdles." Good, he seems to look a little more interested. I think, I can never tell from that poker face of his.

"Oh? Do you still have this fear?" This is perfect. Everyone is looking over. Well, almost everyone – Hyuuga is in the corner, face-palming. I told him this pun just two hours prior, whilst we were outside the Headmaster's office.

"No. I got over it." Silence. They are all dumbfounded. Should I explain it? Yeah.

"Get it? Cuz a hurdle is something you jump over, and I got _over _it?" The door slammed. Hyuuga left all his stuff behind. Eh, I guess I'll… decorate his open locker after everyone else has gone.

**Kagami is a Lunatic**

Okay. Everyone is gone, except from Kagami, and me, who of which I have coaxed into helping me with this deed. He is to look out for any Hyuuga that decides to come back to collect his items.

"Ah, yes. This is a brilliant idea, courtesy of the one and only Izuki!" Okay, I admit, I am a little bit of a genius for thinking this up. I hope Hyuuga likes cute kittens and Hello Kitty!

You know, I haven't tried out a pun on Kagami before… Now is the perfect chance. He is over by the door, playing with the rather worn towel that hadn't been used in ages.

"Kagami," he looks over, "if that towel had a sense of humour, it's be pretty dry." I admit, this definitely was not one of my best, I should know. But Kagami obviously thought differently. He is laughing. Like, tears running down his face. I wouldn't be surprised of Hyuuga entered right now because of all the noise Kagami is making.

"D-dude, it's not _that _funny…" I chuckle nervously, a little worried to be honest. Uh, I'll just go… It's not my fault if Kagami die; it was the puns fault.


	2. Akashi, Please Compose Yourself

**Yo. This? OOC, and I****'****m so sorry for it. I don****'****t own these unquestionably gay bots, or the show for that matter. Just this sad, little fanfic. Bye. **

He lunged. He cut. He fell. Akashi Seijuro fell after slicing the face of Kagami Taiga. And started crying.

"I thought you'd dodge! I thought you'd dodge…" Kagami stood, dumbfounded by the seen he was witnessing. Akashi was behind him, sobbing into pale hands. The rest of the MiraGen had turned to watch, but not as clueless as Kagami clearly was. At least he had pleasing music to listen to (Akashi was singing 'but I'm only humaaaaaaan' in the background)

"For God's sake, Akashi. This happens _every damn time _we go out together! Do we need to get out the taser gun agai-" Midorima placed his hand firmly on Aomine's shoulder.

"There is no way Akashi will be able to function properly now, Aomine. Let it go." And so, almost all of the former team mates walked away, leaving a confused Kagami, day dreaming Kuroko and a screaming, kicking and sobbing Akashi in all his might. Contrary to common belief, this actually happens on a regular bases. You see, the mind of Akashi is very fragile and pent up with extra stress. So, to let out this excess stress, he breaks down in a fit, one quite similar to this. Now you know.

In the distance, a little "bye, Aka-chin," could be heard.

As for Kuroko, oh, he knew _exactly _what to do. As he had a very calming feel about him, Kuroko had automatically been elected as the 'healer' of the group, like you would a game. Walking with a slow pace, Kuroko made his way to Akashi and patted him gently on the head.

"Akashi, it's okay. Sweetie, no one got hurt by you, so you can calm down. Now, apologize to the big, red-haired guy over there, yeah?" Kuroko soothed Akashi with his sweet words, persuading Akashi to compose himself. Soon, Akashi had stopped sobbing, only sniffing every now and then in a cute way that crushed Kuroko's motherly heart.

"Now apologize to the nice man, dear." The red-haired boy nods his head a few times, walking over to Kagami, who of which was even more confused and even a little more scared than before.

"Sorry… for making such a fuss. I'm better now, just so you know." Kagami stared as Kuroko and Akashi walked off to find the rest of the group

"What the actual fuck just happened."

Oh God so OOC it's amazing. I was on… tumblr, had an idea, and this happened. Sorry.


	3. Aomine, Boats are Not For Stealing

A nice cup of good, old, American coffee always wakes me up in the morning, you know? Especially after all that training with the 'Boss', that really puts my muscles to the limits. Not saying there is one, or anything. A limit, that is. My muscles are literally bulging, nothing to be ashamed of. They could get me ladies, I-it's just I don't have the time! Who are you to ask questions? You don't know me!

Unfortunately, I forgot my coffee this morning, which has left me in a rather terrible mood. And right now, Aomine is _certainly _not helping. I can see him right now, in some shady corner.

"Aomine. This is illegal." I tell him. Jesus, he should know this already! It's, like, common sense, why do I have to tell this moron what's right and wrong? Ugh, whatever.

He just waves me off, the little bastard. Okay, maybe not that little. He's practically taller than me, so he's a big bastard. No, ignorant? Yeah, he's an ignorant bastard. An ignorant bastard who just waves off the fact he is defying the law.

"It's not illegal if no one sees me, stupid." Oh, I knew he was dumb, but not this bloody stupid.

"Hey, buddy, I can see you." I tap him on the shoulder and wave a little. Aomine stops whatever the fuck he was doing to that rope, and looks up all frustrated. That frustration turns into almighty anger. Laughing (nervously, but still laughing), I hop backwards away from the 'mighty' Aomine.

"You made me lose my place! Now we will never steal that boat! Get me a machete or something." I bring out a bread knife from my pocket and give it to him.

"… You dick."

**This is like the dumbest piece of writing I've ever done, sorry, please ignore me. **


End file.
